An Inside Of The Secret Thoughts of Thai Society
What every farang (white man) should know before dating Thai women
What western man never want to concede is that they all seem to be drawing water from the same tainted well, which is why they disproportionately get the unsavory stuff.
To put it bluntly, there is a huge difference between a “typical Thai woman” and “Thai women who date Western men.”
This is going to be harsh, but it explains why so many farangs seem to get the short end of the stick with so many Thai women.
A Real Story By US-Thai Man
The Inside of Thai Culture Revealed
Just a little about my friend who open my eyes to the Thai world. He is a Thai born in the USA, but raised in both the US and Thailand. He is fluent in Thai but actually prefer English as he believes it to be his native language. He is now here in Thailand to stay.
He has MANY farang colleagues and friends. I must say that most of the closest friends, here and back in the states, are white men, so I’m certainly not going to bash farangs here mindlessly.
But believe me when I tell you that Thais will share with me stuff that they’ll NEVER share with a western man, not even if they’re married to one.
And I’ll say this: “most of the farangs in Thailand really don’t get it”
They really don’t see how things are, how they’re perceived by the average Thai, men and women.
What Thais talk about when farangs aren’t around, why Thai people “smile” a lot, etc.
All they know is what their Thai wife or GF or their small circle of friends and relatives have told them, which is of course usually completely biased and distorted.
But on rare occasions, I’ll read something from a white man and I’ll say to myself; “man, this dude gets it.”
They’ll say they like short, dark-skinned girls with a 6-year school education but perhaps the truth lies in the fact that Isaan women often throw themselves at the first farang that comes anywhere near them.
I’ll go a step further and quote the words of an American comedian who once said something to the effect that “the woman that most men get are frankly the best that they could do with the options available.” More on this later.
- Firstly, western men do have a reputation in Thailand, some good, some not so good. I’ll narrow it down to the two that seems to matter most.
- Thais think that all farangs are wealthy. Can be good and bad… more on that later.
- Thais believe that farang men are whore-chasers and connoisseurs of low-class women.
Farangs need to understand Thai’s belief and culture in class distinction to appreciate the importance of number 2.
And before you go about beating up Thais for falsely believing number 2, understand that Thais know what’s going on in Pattaya, Phuket, and the seedier areas of Bangkok.
They see farang guys trying to pass their hookers off as girlfriends and they know. Heck, everyone knows. So if you want to blame anyone, blame these true whore-chasers who are still out there every single day.
It never ceases to amaze me how Western men get upset when Thai folks mistakenly assume their wives/GFs are hookers, yet see for themselves other farangs with hookers and don’t even bat an eye.
Thais only believe that Thai women with white men are BGs/ex-BGs because it’s true the majority of the time.
Back to the topic. So Thai women believe that farangs are wealthy.
What kind of women will this attract?
Well, certainly women who are into money.
I’ll say that most women consider this to be desirable, but only a few believe it to be the most important thing.
The ones who have it on the top of their priority list will certainly be after guys that have it. But then there’s the number 2 rep that farangs carry around, the whore-chasing thing.
Most Thai girls culturally are conservative by nature and don’t want to be seen as “that sort of woman.”
So that takes out the “nice” girls. And the women that are educated and well-off – well they don’t need that stigma either.
I mean, why be looked at as some low-class gold-digger when you’ve already got your own money?
So what you’re left with are the poor desperate types who aren’t concerned about their reputation or what other people think because quite frankly, they have much more pressing problems.
So what I’m saying is that farangs have got the typical Thai women (most of the time from Isaan) pegged all wrong, yet they’re probably right about the Thai women that they’ve been with.
And this is because most of the Thai women that farangs end up with are not ordinary Thai women.
Most Western men are not going to want to believe this. They’ll want to believe what the women who they’ve met have told them, that farang guys are every Thai women’s desire, that Thai guys are all drunks and cheats, blah, blah, blah.
But seriously, what else are these women going to tell you?
That they’d rather be with a Thai guy, but are with the farang for financial reasons? I’m sure that will go over well with most farangs.
The truth is probably that many of these women have had some bad experiences with Thai guys and although they’d still prefer a decent Thai guy, he’s probably out of reach.
And the clock is ticking for her and her family. So why is this “decent Thai guy” so out of reach for these “Isaan” type women?
The “Unspoken” Secret By Thais
There’s a well-kept secret in Thailand that every Thai person seems to know but no farang does (or maybe can’t grasp what it means).
It boggles my mind actually because you can’t get three Thai people to agree on anything but nearly everyone agrees on this, both men and women.
“That farang men only date ugly Thai women”
Now, this is where there’s a huge perception difference between Thai and white men.
It’s the Isaan factor again.
Let me try to explain it so that the average Western man can relate; Thais look at dark-skinned women sort of the same way that Americans look at fat white women.
Most Western guys don’t dream of waking up every morning next to an obese woman, but admittedly, some guys are into that sort of thing. And if you are, you’ve got the pick of the litter.
And that’s how it is with Isaan type women. Thai men of reasonable means are not going to be interested in these type of women, and these women know it.
Don’t believe me? Heck, just watch some Thai TV and see what they’re touting in the commercials.
Constantly seeing products that are alleged to lighten women’s skin.
Look at the Thai women soap stars.
Certainly, doesn’t fit the profile of a girl typically seen with a farang. Now I honestly don’t believe that farangs “prefer” these Isaan type of women, although most seem content with anyone who’s thin and young, regardless of what they look like. But that’s really all that’s available to most white men.
Something interesting that I’ve noticed is that it’s almost pointless to be a good-looking white guy in Thailand.
Because you’re going to have access to the same pool of women as that fat, hairy, smelly, 55-year-old German guy sitting at the end of the bar.
You’re not going to have access to the same type of women that I have – and I say this almost apologetically.
Back in the states, you see a good looking guy and you expect him to be with an attractive woman. And he almost always is.
But here, you see a good-looking farang guy, and the chances are that his GF/wife will be the same Isaan-type woman that all the other farang guys run around with.
There’s a young farang guy in my company who’s got the classic GQ look.
I mean this guy would be a serious ladies man back in the states. Nice guy too.
Yet, his girlfriend is just oh-so-typical Isaan-type. And another guy, not as GQ, but in his late 20’s, better than average looking, making solid money, and his new wife has two kids (not his), and of course… well, no need to beat a dead horse.
Nothing wrong with this, by the way, if they’re happy. Just an observation.
Which brings me back to the “secret” thing. It’s not really the intention of Thais to deceive farangs here or keep him from the truth.
Thais really don’t like hurting people’s feelings, farangs or otherwise.
But there’s no way to tell the guys and honestly, why would we want to?
If the woman is attractive to you (and a good person to boot), it shouldn’t matter what everyone else thinks (ever seen the American movie Shallow Hal?).
I’ve run into many situations where my farang colleagues or friends would show me a picture of their new GF, just gushing with their new found love expecting me to shower him with the compliments of what a goddess she was.
Believe me, these gals were almost always hideous, but I just usually nod in agreement.
Looking for Love in Thailand? Watch Out!
My advice to Western men who are still searching for love: if a Thai woman comes after you, watch out.
As I said before, Thai women are conservative by nature. This is how a “nice” Thai girl approaches a guy she’s interested in.
Has happened to me countless times. Her friend or acquaintance will contact me and say that someone is interested and see if I’m available.
I’ll ask some questions, and the friend will never reveal who it is until he/she knows that it’s a green light. I always end up saying I have a girlfriend (which I do) and I’ll never find out who this girl is.
But if she approaches me directly, it will be very subtle, and it won’t even appear like she’s interested.
If a Thai woman drops these subtle hints and the guy doesn’t get it (or isn’t interested), she won’t pursue you for long. If you are going to date a good Thai girl you better follow certain rules.
The point here is that they are very conservative when it comes to courtship and the man has to be the aggressor.
If the woman is the aggressor, then she’s not the type of woman that I’d be interested in.
Women libbers in the states are going to hate this, but that’s still the way it is in Thailand.
Something else: if she says that she really likes farang guys and that’s what she’s looking for, don’t just walk away – freaking run!!!! Because what she’s essentially saying is that she wants a farang guy and ANY farang will do. You’re nothing special, just the target of opportunity.
And why do you think she prefers a farang guy? Hint: it’s got nothing to do with your charm and personality (check number 1 above).
Why would you want to be with a woman who’d basically take up with any other farang guy if given the opportunity? What you want is a Thai woman who’s not interested in a white man.
Actually, prefers a Thai guy. You win over that sort of woman, and you’ve got something.
Then you’ll know that she’s interested in you for you and nothing else.
But it’d help if you took the time to learn some Thai. I’d be a little suspicious of an uneducated Thai woman who speaks English a little too well, but that’s another topic for another time.
What are your thoughts? Do you want to date Thai women after reading this? Any personal experience to share?
Click the “new entry” button below and express yourself.
While I've seen some truths here some of your wording, in particular at the beginning, seems more like Thai profiling because there actually are a good number of professionals (or the upper class) who express interests in the Thai way to foreigners as well as Thai
I love that I now know I can walk the street with her knowing nobody is interested but it explains why I've been helpful to her self-confidence and self-worth.
A few questions though with the intent of liking farang (sounds more like falang but ok) if I met a young woman and after myself and her in the Thai way becoming acquainted with her work and we went for a date sanctioned by and compensation given to her boss and I asked her what she likes in a guy and being farang came in amongst a few other things for the same sort of reasons like bad experience with Thai guy and looks is that still a tell in your opinion.
I got to agree with you in that bar girls are no good, and I honestly don't know whether massage saloon girls can be classed as the same or not no matter how the appearance of the establishment is except to ask a friend to go and see if he gets a happy ending and if he does he can keep her.
I dated a bar girl who quit because I asked her too but she was violently aggressive and it came to the part about short time, not long time which was unfortunate, would have been nice to break the mold.
My point is that my neighbors asked if she was farang and that once I said she was Thai they all kinda shrugged it off like it's common place that ALL Thai woman have a certain amount of violent crazy just waiting to come out, maybe it's the secret they were giggling about.
I hope so because my girlfriend is an accounting student with morality for life choices not too good looking (; kidding she's hot.
Maybe there is hope but one thing I did notice about the lower class is that essentially there's a shift from a few nights of fun and into a serious relationship. Outside of a little work flirting (dialed down) or quitting entirely these more promiscuous women really do throw the switch to what only their mothers could have taught them.
And the Thai guys that my friends or girlfriends have spoken about to me, well we are all young so I'm sure something sometime has been accurate but the majority of Thai guys are freaking cool and decent gentlemen so I doubt it happens that much.
I would love to learn more about closing gaps between myself and locals though especially with my partner because if I'm one day presenting her a well-chosen necklace for the blessing I'd like to know she isn't holding back certain things.
Love Thailand love the people.
Almost always treated with decency and kindness.
Thankfully my lesson was learned quick and nothing fell off.
you mention interesting points.
Regarding the aggressive attitude of Thai people is the result of repress feelings and behavior. In Thailand, showing anger is considered disrespectful, even rude.
So, your girlfriend gives you small clues about her feelings and what she don't like. Unfortunately, Westerners are used to a more straightforward communication.
The result is that you don't even notice her warning signs, and with time, she blasts out in anger.
I suggest communicating more with her by asking often how she feels if she wants to eat and ultimately if anything you do or talk about irritate her.
In other words, be gentle, soft and very patience.
Just watch some Thai Television soap opera dramas and you will see portrayed some awkward moody Thai girl who goes into bad moods and some Thai guy who is handsome and about 25 years old dejected and left wondering what to do next.
These are the " desireable " girls that Thai men are after yes?
Well guess what, Western men have them in abundance back in their own countries and are sick of them.
Whether a western man is handsome and 22 years old, or 50 and not in the best of shape, many want to be judged by young and reasonable looking girls based not upon primarily what they look like, or their age.
A place where this is possible is very appealing. Western men get it entirely.
If a Thai men want these awkward moody bitches who don't look at a guy unless he is some kind of pretty gay boy type, then they are welcome to them.
Please keep them away from me, I' ve had my life made a misery by them back in my own Western country.
Yes, perhaps the girls you see on Thai TV might be a bit facially better looking than the average Isaan girl, but the downside far outweighs this benefit.
Also, it is rediculous and nieve this Thai idea that those from Isaan have the darker skin because of outside farm work.
In all countries in the world, skin tone gets lighter as you move northwards from the equator. Take a look at the latitude of Isaan compared to Bangkok. Very, very silly!
Farangs totally get it. Not too sure about Thai guys though, who are looking for the awkward moody difficult girl who is only interested in pretty boy looks. Not sure they get it.
I would add that those type of girls not only wants handsome boys but also rich 🙂
I am a relative newbie to Thailand. Only visiting Phuket twice, and Pattaya five or so times as I have a relative that is an expat.
I love what I have seen so far but want to travel to Chang Mai and surrounding villages.
Certainly not looking for a Thai wife or any other culture of wife for that matter, but just enjoy the lifestyle farrangs are lucky enough to have.
My honest opinion is if I do find myself hooking up with a Thai GF that looks pretty, treats me well, looks after herself well and most important I can trust then I would be content.
I have no expectations, I just dig the lifestyle being almost 50 yrs old myself.
Happy to hear that you find this blog helpful.
I understand your feelings, having a lovely girls taking care of your needs is essential for any men of any age, and Thailand women are wonderful and love caring.
It is important to select the right woman, and Chiang Mai has lot of good women because isn't an adult tourist destination like Phuket.
Before searching for your match, read this article about Thai women explained by a Thai/American man: http://www.sexholidayasia.com/travel-blog/asian-dating/dating-advise/
The best way to meet your sweet heart is online on dating sites, read my guide to get you started; Click Here
Some of it, of course, is not new. It is excruciatingly difficult to approach a Thai woman "of value" to the point that I am asking, is it worth it?
I get myself into an archaic society here and in one where the impression made towards the outside is all that matters.
These people don't even know how to make a marriage work from the inside, they function like on rails.
You have raised some good points.
I believe all come down about what you are looking for in life.
Personally, I think a marriage should benefit the both party, similar to a business relationship. Evaluating the pro and cons of the relationship in the long term and proceed accordingly.
Unfortunately, most western men are emotionally weak and when confronted with love caring Thai women, they fall in love and get married without a long term plan.
Before engage in a relationship, I would question myself:
- Why do I need this woman?
- What she can benefit me in the long term?
- Can I share my life with her?
- Is she my style/type?
These are just few questions that might make any man reason before step forward.
There are good qualities about Thai women that are above other nationalities. They can be great mothers and hard working women for the family. I think this is something wonderful and it is gone lost in western countries.
How often you see a son or daughter taking care of their parents in western countries? Social security take care of them, if entitled.
The "show face" thing is extreme in Thailand, and it is a concern for a Western man that isn't align with these values. However, I would never expect my woman to confront other people.
You see, I came to Thailand aged 24 and have been here for 4 years. No superstar looks here, but I’m certainly not an unattractive guy. I actually prefer a pale skinned girl with a good education and a nice family… And man, it’s bloody hard to get them to even notice you, even if I do speak Thai.
The biggest problem is, like you mentioned, even if they really like you they will worry about how other people look at them. They’d have to be very strong and confident, from a family where they have nothing to prove about themselves, to just shrug off the stigma that comes with being with a farang.
When you’re both teachers, they’ll be proud to be seen with you as it shows that they are working with foreigners in a professional context. Replace the dress shirt with shorts and a T-shirt and they’ll walk 10 meters in front or behind you.
It is changing, and BKK is a slightly different story, but it’s a slow progress and it’s nobodies fault other then fellow farangs that are indeed here to whore hunt and nothing more.